I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
birth control should be required to get into college
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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