I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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