yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
