I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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