I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
