I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
