You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
