I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
