my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
