i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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