you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
