I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm gonna fight the coyote
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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