She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Your cock deserves a montage
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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