I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
