Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
