i just wanna soil my oats bro
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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