What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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