he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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