Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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