Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
no you cant smoke seaweed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
