remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
