Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
