so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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