I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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