normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
