in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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