I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
