Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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