none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
