I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
