im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
