I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
