a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
