the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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