I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
