I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
