I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
