I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
