everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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