She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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