I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
