i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
