if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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