there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
