we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
