she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
worst night to have a conscience
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
