woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
