I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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