we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
