You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
