so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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